Archive for November, 2008

Giving Thanks.

November 30, 2008 1 comment

I love the time of year when geese are flying. I love hearing them honk. That’s one of my favorite things in the world. My anthropology professor said a person’s favorite animal has qualities and characteristics that person believes is important. So what does that say about me? That I’ll have to move every six months?


Thanksgiving was good. I suppose. I enjoyed seeing all my family. But I really hate being the brunt of every joke. Does that mean I have a character flaw? I don’t think so. Like, OK guys, it’s cool the first 50 times. But then it’s not so funny. Whatever. And, especially, if you’re not part of my family, and you constantly make fun of me in front of my family, I’m not going to be that nice to you. Especially if I ask you to please stop several times and you keep going. Take note.


Dirty dishes are my pet peeve. I did all of them this weekend at home and after Thanksgiving dinner.


I wrote recently I didn’t think reality could ever be as good as a dream. But I was wrong. It can. But then it all exploded in my face, and I’m still trying to recover.


I don’t think this will be as simple as the last time.


So thank you, God, for letting me learn. Hopefully. Thank you for letting me have a supportive family. Thank you for not letting me drown when the rug keeps getting ripped out from under me. Thank you for letting me always believe the best in people and always getting my heart broken when they let me down.


That all sounds really terrible. Thank you for my amazing family. I love you guys beyond belief, and I’m sorry I’m not good at showing you. You mean the world to me, and I’d be lost without your support.

Categories: Uncategorized

Torn Between Two Places.

November 24, 2008 Leave a comment

You know, I’m really very excited to go home and see my family and everything, but…all I can think about is New York. Isn’t that pathetic? More and more I’ve been thinking of just going, forgetting everything in this town and Texas. I know that’s terrible. I had someone tell me recently “there’s a certain honor in that.” It stuck with me. There might be a certain honor in trying something new; doing something other than what’s always been expected of me. BUT. I feel as though that’s disrespectful to my parents and what they’ve always wanted for me. But all I want is New York, and I’m not sure they get that.


Anyways…New York is no longer just a “want” for me. It’s become a physical ache, a tug in my chest whenever I think of it. It’s become a sickness. That’s all I want, and I won’t be happy until I’m there.


One more year, God willing. And then I’ll live in the city that never sleeps…and be dazzled by the lights. Maybe I’ll find what I’ve been searching for.

Categories: new york


November 22, 2008 Leave a comment

Last night, I dreamed about New York. I walked the sidewalks and wandered my way up to Times Square. What a beautiful sight. It was just how I remembered it from March. I miss it. Oh, how sad it was to wake up in dumpy Lubbock.


Reality is never as good as dreams.

Categories: new york

The Holidays #2.

November 20, 2008 1 comment

So I just wrote a short post earlier, but I’m in the mood for making a running commentary on my life right now.

I’m reading this amazing book in my fiction class: “The French Lieutenant’s Woman” by John Fowles. I’m so lame, I’m reading ahead of the schedule and I’ve nearly finished it. It is absolutely amazing. I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where, rather than skimming over it, I can appreciate complex writing. The beauty is there; it’s just not so obviously there…if that makes sense. But this story is so subtle and Knowles is a genius. He tricks the reader and has a chapter where he says one thing happens and then in the next chapter he’ll say, “Oh, haha, I was just making that up! Here’s what really happened.” I love it.

Over Christmas I plan to…read. That’s it. I have two books by Ian McEwan I want to read. Then, I have made it my mission to read at least one Jane Austen book (definitely Sense and Sensibility), and then I want to try another by John Knowles. We’ll see how that goes. It will be nice not to have to worry about anything else but reading and relaxing and spending time with my family.

Tonight’s the night! Twilight comes out at midnight. I’m kind of bummed I’m not going to the midnight premier, but I didn’t know to get a ticket like way in advance. Oh well. I talked a couple friends into going with me tomorrow. I can’t wait for  the movie–although I’m unsure about the cast. I read some articles yesterday about Kristen Stewart (Funny fact: I also saw an article about Twilight where they spelled her name “Kirsten.” Easy mistake, but still, where are the fact checkers?) Anyways, she said she was relunctant to do the movie at first because of the relationship between Bella and Edward, and how it is so intense. She said she didn’t exactly want to promote something that would give young girls the wrong idea about love. I do agree with this, and I think it’d be unhealthy to actually be in a relationship like that in real life, but that element is half the appeal of the books. It’s escapism at it’s best. I read them when I don’t want to think about anything else, when I just need a break from real life. But…she better do a dang good job in this movie, or there’s going to be a huge crowd of angered vampire-lovers after her. Ha ha. Oh dear. This is going to be the type of movie that makes me depressed about my own life.

I’ve been feeling…content. I don’t know what the change is! But I’m enjoying it. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been unbelievably busy the last two weeks. It’s awesome.

Thanksgiving is a week from today! I’m so excited. I feel much more holiday-spirit-y than other years. I’m even looking forward to helping my mom drag alllll the boxes of Christmas (crap) decorations down from the attic. Somehow, my sister ALWAYS managaes to get out of this job. I must learn her secret.

On Thanksgiving morning, I plan to be up at the crack of dawn to watch…The Macy’s Day Parade!!!!!!! Yay. Ok, on an aside, if you ever look at travel books, look at the 2008 Fodor’s New York City book. (I’m pretty sure it’s that one.) Anways, on the cover there’s a picture of signs at an intersection, 34th and Herald Square. That’s exactly where mine and my mom’s hotel was in New York!! We stayed at the Radisson right there. And our hotel was a block away from Macy’s. Seriously. You walk out the door, turn to your right, and there it is. The famous massive store. (Although, it’s way too crowded to be unbelievable. But it was fun to run up and down the wooden, frozen escalators. Yes, I did do that.) Anyways, I’m going to watch the entire parade and see if I can catch a glimpse of familiar things, and hopefully, the hotel. So lame, but whatever.

The holidays are here. My absolute favorite time of the year. I can’t wait to be surrounded by my family next week. Almost everyone is coming in town; my aunt and uncle from Colorado, and my cousins too. Thanksgiving is really the only time we all get together. It’s also nice to see my grandfather so happy. He loves family, and since he can’t leave my Mimi, he never really gets to travel to see any of them. But anyways…that’s another story.

Hope you all have a great holiday! Just a few more days of school. 🙂

Categories: Thoughts Tags: , ,

The Holidays.

November 20, 2008 Leave a comment

I’m so happy. The holidays are here, and Christmas is in the air!


I love this time of year. 😀

Categories: Uncategorized

That One Thing.

November 17, 2008 Leave a comment

Joe Fox: Sometimes I wonder…
Kathleen Kelly: What?
[they stop]
Joe Fox: If I hadn’t been FoxBooks and you hadn’t been the Shop Around the Corner… and you and I had, just you know, met… Yeah. I would have asked for your phone number and I wouldn’t have been able to wait 24 hours before calling and asking, “How about coffee, drinks, dinner, a movie, for as long as we both shall live?”
Kathleen Kelly: Joe.
Joe Fox: And you and I would have never been at war. And the only things we would’ve fought about would be what video to rent on Saturday night.
Kathleen Kelly: Well, who fights about that?
Joe Fox: Well, some people. Not us.
Kathleen Kelly: We would never.
Joe Fox: …if only.

I love that movie. (You’ve Got Mail, by the way) It’s definitely in my top 10. That scene is one of the best parts of the movie. I love what Joe says to Kathleen about not being able to wait 24 hours before calling her. And then, of course at the end, Joe and Kathleen end up together. I think I like it so much because it’s one of those times where the one thing she wanted to happen, happened. Even though things rarely happen the way we want them to.

It happened to me once. I remember telling my mom, “That’s him. That’s the one boy I want date in high school.” And it happened. I still don’t understand why. 

I saw one of my favorite sights tonight: a flock of birds. I love watching birds fly! It was perfect tonight. I was out at sunset and they were silohuetted against the sun. It was so beautiful. My absolute favorite though, is seeing the geese fly in their “V”. I think it’s because my dad and I always used to watch that movie, “Fly Away Home.”

This is lame, but I remember when I was little I used to want to be a bird SO BAD. Mine and my sister’s swingset was perfectly situated in the backyard so that when we were swinging at our highest we could see over the fence and into the streets. I used to pump my legs so hard, trying to get to that highest spot. I would imagine letting go of the swing and floating over  the fence and the tree. I’d imagine just flying away and not looking back.

Hmm…maybe I’ve wanted to leave Texas longer than I thought. There’s something for me to ponder.


This post was unbelievably pointless. Sorry. Don’t think anything of it; it’s just pointless musings by me done late at night. 🙂

Categories: Uncategorized

I need a break.

November 11, 2008 1 comment

I can’t sleep.


I’m lonely. I’m cold, I’m stressed to the point of no return and I’m exhausted. All I want right now is to cuddle up with someone and just forget everything. Just five minutes, can’t I have that? But there’s no one here. There never is.


I just tried to register. And now I think my proposed graduation date of December ’09 is definitely in peril. All because my stupid advisor told me the wrong information. I’m so terrified now. I want out so bad. So I’ll be in my advisor’s office tomorrow morning at eight to see what I can do by way of getting those classes I was supposed to get.


And I’m exhausted. I have to be up at 6. That’s less than 5 and a half hours, but I can’t even shut my eyes because I’m so stressed about classes (this semsester and next). Oh, and did I mention the crippling loneliness that’s decided to make it’s dreaded appearance–again? God, sometimes I just really…want to disappear.


Sorry this post sucks. Please, God, let Saturday be here soon. I just want to sleep.

Categories: Uncategorized