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Archive for January, 2010

Just gotta have faith.

January 28, 2010 1 comment

Yesterday I let a horrible thought creep into my head.

“I want to go home.”

That was it. It was just a whisper, just the slightest hint of doubt, but it hit me hard and took me down for the remainder of the day. Allowing myself to think that opened the floodgates to all sorts of negative thoughts. “What if I made the wrong decision?” “What if I can’t handle the city like I thought?” “What if I can’t get a job?” “Should I go back to Texas?”

And:

“What if I fail?”

That’s the biggest, most terrifying question I think. I know failure’s a part of life and I know failing is how we are supposed to learn (blah, blah, blah). But I feel like if I give in and go home I would be failing on a whole different level. Everyone knows what I’m doing and it makes for a lot of pressure.

Right now the thought of going back home is comforting and safe. Everything is still so unfamiliar here. I miss everyone so much: my friends, my family and just my safe zone. What I hate about Boston right now is that I don’t have that special group of friends to call any time of day like I did back home. I mean, I know I can still call them, but since I’ve been here I feel like the distance is palpable. I hate it.

And I hate this about myself. I hate that when things get rough I immediately want to run back home. It’s exactly what my parents predicted and I’m disgusted that I’m letting myself think these thoughts.

I guess yesterday I let the fear and worry about not having a job yet get to me. I was naive to think that I, a small-town girl, would get to the big city, kick some ass, and immediately have the perfect job. Definitely naive.

So yesterday, after moping around and searching for a job ALL day, I decided it was time to get off my butt, out of my (warm) bed and go for a run in the (cold) air. So I ran and ran. Well I ran until I got to the massive hills and then I walked. Heh. Eventually I got to a point near this church that looked out down over the city and it stopped me short. I got there right as the sun was beginning to set, and I could see all the buildings stretching out in front of me. The sun reflected off all the windows and I felt like if I reached out my fingers I’d be able to touch the Pru. It was unbelievable. I wish my descriptions would do it justice, and I really wish I’d had my camera with me.

Anyway, that sight put my mindset back where it needed to be. Seeing part of Boston’s skyline reminded me how much I love this city, and it gave me the sense that if I just keep trying and keep applying, something, somewhere, will come through for me. It reminded me of the endless possibilities a city has.

Of course, I went home and immediately bought and downloaded George Michael’s song, “Faith,” and listened to it 20 times consecutively. Sometimes it’s just a matter of making sure the message sticks in your head. Yes, I realize that’s not what the song’s talking about, but the line “Oh, I gotta have faith,” definitely is applicable to me right now.

I’ve got to keep reminding myself that it’s supposed to be hard. It’s supposed to be scary. Until I’ve been here for a long time I can’t expect anything to be familiar. I need to learn to enjoy the unfamiliar and respect the unexpected. I have to keep in mind that anything can (and will) happen if I keep my wits about me. I have to stay open to new experiences and be willing to take chances. I need to keep meeting people and stay active. I can’t let myself fall into staying home and staying in bed all the time. That’s just a bad pattern.

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Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

Figuring it all out.

January 24, 2010 1 comment

I’ve been in Boston for two weeks now, and it’s been absolutely fantastic. I’m pleased with where I chose to live, I love my part-time job (I’ll explain that in a minute) and I just love everything about this city so far. 

Yesterday was one of the prettiest days I’ve seen in this city. When I woke up the sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The sky was the prettiest blue I’ve ever seen. I felt compelled to go run, and I did! Running in the city is exhilarating. It felt like I actually was getting somewhere when I ran. I love being on the street with all the buildings towering above me. It’s what I’ve always loved. I am such a city girl. 

That’s another thing I love about living in a city. I feel, so far, as though it is forcing me to be active. When I was back home I just felt so sluggish because I drove everywhere. But in Boston I pretty much walk everywhere. It takes longer, but I feel amazing. I think walking is good because it gives me a chance to slow down and think. I notice more things on the street. Like today, I was walking to Borders from my apartment (two miles, yeah!), and when I passed MassArt someone had written “Dream bigger, please. Make magic.” on the sign. I thought it was beautiful. It was exactly what I needed to see today. 

Since I’ve been here I’ve realized that while moving to a city was definitely one of my dreams it can’t possibly be a dream come true. Boston will change me. I know I’ll grow here and I’m excited, so incredibly excited, to experience new things, meet new people and see new places. But it’s time to figure out my next big dream and go for it as determinedly as I did moving to Boston. But while I’m in Boston? I’m going to experience the hell out of it. There’s so much to see and learn here. For example, I didn’t know that large, very large bodies of water ACTUALLY freeze. Ha. The Charles River is completely frozen. It looks amazing. And the pond in the Boston Public Garden? It’s frozen too. I walked over it last night! That was so cool. I’ve been ice skating twice since I moved, and I love it. 

I had my first encounter with a crazy bum. That was…slightly scary. 

Anyway. I can’t write well tonight. More later this week.

Categories: Thoughts Tags: ,

The first two days.

January 12, 2010 Leave a comment

I survived my first two days in Boston!

I love it here. I love the atmosphere. I love the cold air. I love it.

My feet are aching. I walked so much today, which was wonderful, but I paid for it.

Since I’ve been here I’ve been looking for jobs like crazy. I’ve applied for tons, and I had my first interview today. It’s not worth mentioning. I have another on Thursday I’m excited about, so I don’t want to talk about it on here because then I’ll jinx it.

Boston 🙂

I grabbed a shot of this when I was walking down the street today on my way to the Boston Common. The picture it doesn’t capture it too well, but it was beautiful. 🙂 I love this city. 

Categories: Uncategorized

Transitioning.

January 10, 2010 Leave a comment

Well, I did it. I’m at the airport in Houston and have officially begun my move to the big city of Boston.

I don’t really know what else to say at this point, except I can’t believe it’s actually happening. In six hours I will be in Boston, at my new apartment. It’s a little overwhelming.

Leaving Midland this morning was overwhelming. I’m going to miss my family so much, but it’s comforting to know I will be home in May. It’s just like a semester studying abroad. But I have to keep in mind that I’m actually on my own now. I’m a college graduate. It’s time to gut up, grow up and become self-sufficient. I know my parents will always be willing to help me, but I’m glad that I am doing this on my own. This is my thing. And I can say that I did do this all on my own.

More to come. I’m sure I’ll have new adventures soon. 🙂

Just a word of advice: People will stare at you if you take a cat on a plane.

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