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Hoping…and falling.

September 28, 2009 1 comment

Tonight is one of those nights where Boston, and everything past graduation, feels unattainable. I feel like the next four months will never be over. I feel like I’ll never get out of Lubbock. I feel like I’ll never it make it up there….Boston.

My parents are dubious with my declaration that I want to move to Boston. They think I’m just making this decision on a whim and a fancy. Maybe it was a spur of the moment decision, but I’m going to rationalize it. First, I have wanted to move to a big city for the last three years. Easily. And for a long time, it was New York. But…then I went to Boston. Is it so bad to switch cities? I don’t think so. Especially when Boston offers the same opportunities to me that New York has. Maybe, just maybe, they’re even a little more attainable. I love Boston. I love it more than New York.

I love that it’s not an ostentatious city. It’s not so “in your face,” like New York. It’s a little more subtle. I love the history that is still woven in with the modern buildings and skyscrapers.

 

I’m scared though. It absolutely terrifies me when I think of getting on a plane in Midland and ending up in Boston all by myself. I know it’s what I want, and I know if I let my fears hold me back, I’ll never go. It’s just a matter of sucking it up, finding an apartment and getting a job. That’s my plan for fall break. Instead of going to College Station to see all my friends, I’ll be sticking around and locking myself in my apartment to do some serious job hunting and resume perfecting. Sounds awesome. (Too bad this is a blog and you couldn’t catch the sarcasm. But it was there. Oh, was it there.)

 

So, I mentioned this in the last post, but I was recently hired as the copy editor at the LV. Today was my first official day, and I loved it! It’s nice to have a place. I’ve been at Tech for two years now, and I finally feel as though I’m making it as a college student. Life is definitely going to be busier this semester, but it’s a good busy. I’ve got  two jobs and am a full-time student, but I’m loving every minute of it. (OK, maybe I could do with a little less school, but what are you going to do, right?) Now I just have very little free time. My nights for the week are already filled up, and that’s crazy. I used to have tons of free time. I kind of like being this busy, but it is only Monday night and I’m exhausted. That’s not so good.

 

I think that’s all I can think of for the moment. I could whine about loneliness and crap such as that…but I’m not going to. Not right now.

Ouch.

September 27, 2009 Leave a comment

It’s a terrible thing to be in love with someone I can’t have. And I promise…it’s no one who reads this. But it’s there. I go to bed thinking about him. And think of him during the day. Oh well. It will go away eventually.

 

Rain. I like it.

 

I’m the new copyeditor of the La Ventana, Texas Tech’s yearbook. So that makes me editor-in-chief of the Mass Communicator, and copy editor of LV. If that doesn’t boost my resume, I don’t know what will.

Categories: Thoughts Tags: , , ,

Boston.

September 20, 2009 Leave a comment

I miss Boston. So much. It makes me sad and angry because I feel stuck here; stuck in this dead, slow town. And I know that thousands of miles away, Boston is going along about its business. It doesn’t care about me. It doesn’t care that I’m sitting on my couch in Lubbock, Texas, watching a stupid show or that I’m in tears because of the pain I feel right now.

I can’t stop thinking about it.

 

In four months, I could be there though. I WILL be there. That’s a freeing and terrifying thought. At this point, there’s no one who can tell me no. Only I can hold myself back, I guess I want support from those I love, but I don’t have to have it to do what I want. No one can hold me back.

 

A concrete plan is exactly what I need. I need a job and a place to live. I’ve been perusing Craigslist like crazy. But I think I have to hold off a month or so to start seriously looking. But at least I know it’s possible. I will be able to do both–find a place and a job.

Just missing something…

September 16, 2009 Leave a comment

I would really go for a kiss right now. A sweet, simple, heartfelt kiss. I probably shouldn’t be putting this up on the Web, but I just wanted to send it out there.

 I’ve been having a couple of days where I’m terrified of being single. I know now is an important time for me to stay single, have fun and simply date, but sometimes it is difficult. It gets lonely.

 

Enough complaining.

 

I feel like I’m missing something.

What do I miss? Everything. It’s one of those nights. I just feel a little niggle in the back of my head; something that makes me feel just a bit off.

I miss Boston. Today I was walking to class, had my iPod on and was really deep in thought. I was so deep in thought that when I looked up and around me I started a bit. I was expecting to find myself in the Boston Common. Isn’t that weird? It was what I’d been thinking about. I guess I was trying to get myself there.

I feel like that is how I get through my days now. My day is broken up into parts, each signifying that I am so many hours closer to moving away. To getting out. To being on my own. Of course, it also means I’m that much closer to having to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life. Sigh…time to start actively looking for a job this weekend. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Besides wishing my life away, things are going well. School sucks, but everything else is great. I’ve been hanging out with cool people and generally having a good time. Which is actually very different for me. It was time for some improvements.

In some exciting news, I’m the new editor-in-chief of the Mass Communicator. It’s a magazine put out by Tech. The stories are all written by the public relations students, and I get to edit all of them. It should be interesting. I’m really looking forward to getting started. It will definitely give me something to concentrate on. And it will be a fantastic resume boost.

 

I’m…not really sure what else to say. I have been in a funny mood lately. I just want to be home and be by myself. Maybe I’m turning into a hermit. It’s possible.

 

My friend Michael put a fantastic quote on his Facebook recently: 

“The more I think about it… The reason I am who I am today is because I’ve never stopped dreaming.”

 I love this. (Thanks, Michael!)

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , , ,