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Posts Tagged ‘job’

Life gave me a kick in the pants this week.

October 29, 2010 Leave a comment

This week I had not one, but two, people tell me something that bothered me horribly.

“Katie, you’re never happy. What’s going on?”

“Katie, you weren’t happy in Lubbock so you moved to Boston. Then you moved back to Lubbock after Boston, and you’re unhappy again. When are you ever going to be happy?”

Um…

Ok.

Apparently, it’s time for a little self-reflection.

And here’s what I came up with.

I’m not unhappy — in any way, shape or form. I’m frustrated, and that feels like a huge difference to me.

I’m frustrated and deeply disappointed in myself. When I moved to Boston, I had all the optimism in the world. I was going to go up there, kick some Yankee butt and ingrain myself in that life. I was going to find an awesome job in the publishing industry, and basically, start over.

So I did that. In January 2010 I hopped on a plane with my cat and a suitcase and a hell of a lot of dreams and left the hometown I was born and raised in. 

Four months later, I was back. Granted, I am back for a great job, a real job, (and that’s more than some people can say) but still. I’m back.

No matter what anyone says to me, no matter how many people tell me I “made it in Boston,” I don’t feel like I did. I feel like I gave up. Like I threw away my dreams of the last few years because things got a little hard. It feels like I turned my back on the girl I was in January and ignored her pleas to stay. To power through and keep trying and pushing and hoping and wishing.

I’m so disappointed in myself, it’s hard to explain. I hate living with this much regret. I hate that, as my sister phrased it, “I’m drowning in self-pity.” It’s true and when she said that to me it was like the universe slapped me in the face and told me to get the hell over it.

But. And here’s the part where everyone reading this realizes that I’m really not a total downer. My mindset is turning around.

I am where I am, and regardless of how I wish it were different, it’s not going to change for a while. And you know what? I’m thinking that may be OK for now.

I’m realizing more and more how where I am right now is not bad. It’s finally hit me that living with such a sh*tload of regret and disappointment backlogged in my brain and my heart is essentially crippling my life. It’s not healthy, and even more than that, it’s not going to get me back to where I want to be. The only thing that will get me back on track is more of that optimism I talked about earlier. And sheer will. And you know I have that.

But the way I see it, I had two choices back in May/June when I was offered this job. Both choices would have given me different experiences, new people to meet and various life lessons to learn.

Neither choice was bad. Neither choice was clearly the better choice.

Because I chose to take this job, I’m going to end up somewhere different than if I had stayed in Boston. While that’s a hard truth to swallow, I have to believe it. And I’m not going to end up somewhere bad. It’s just going to be much different than I originally thought it would be.

But isn’t that sort of the beauty of life and the power of making your own choices? You never know what’s around the next corner, and I love that.

So long story short, I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry for imposing my frustration on all of you, as I know it hasn’t made me a fun person to be around. Know that I’m trying; know that I’m attempting to turn all this negativity into peace — into optimisim and hope and dreams for my future. It’ll happen. I’m not going to be drowning anymore.

So thank you, Universe. And thanks to my friends and sister who aren’t afraid to be honest and call it like it is.

I just hate that I have to wait for my next adventure, haha.

I got an Easter bunny from a homeless man.

April 8, 2010 Leave a comment

Oh, my poor little neglected blog.

I want to update it so bad. I want to write and write and let the words flow. But I am so tired.

I want to tell you about the things that have happened this week. I want to tell you how today my homeless man, Steven, brought me a chocolate Easter bunny because I gave him chocolate Easter eggs on Easter. Sweet, sweet man.

I want to convey to you all the depth of my exhaustion at 7:30 in the evening. That’s the saddest thing. I’ve had to be at work at 7:30 a.m. the last three mornings and have worked between 11 to 13 hours each day. And it’s been difficult work. Today I didn’t stop moving. I made bouquets. I cleaned flowers. I helped customers. I set up the display. I cut stems. I. Did. Not. Stop.

I want to explain to you all how just typing hurts my fingertips. They’re raw and cut from stupid flowers. I need to bandage them tonight and hope that they heal.

Meh. I really do want to write but it’s not coming tonight. It’s almost my bedtime. Maybe tomorrow morning.

Categories: Boston...again. Tags: , , , ,

Hair-raising success.

March 29, 2010 6 comments

Hello, everyone. Say hello to me, Boston’s newest freelance writer.

Hmm? What’s that? How did this happen, you ask? I’d be happy to explain. It goes way back. Settle in; it’s a good story. And it begins with my hair.

I’ve had issues with my hair a long, long, very long time.

It’s curly. It makes me look like a fourth grader. I switch products weekly because nothing ever seems to work well at controlling the curl. Or keeping it straight. A couple years ago I finally took the plunge and chopped it short, which I loved.

When I moved to Boston I decided a new life meant a new haircut. New place, new me. That was the idea. Because I was trying to save money at every turn I held my breath and went to this place called Blaine Beauty School. Basically the place gives cheap haircuts and highlights because the students are the ones who are the stylists. They are watched over by their instructors, but still, it’s a little nerve-wracking.

My experience was great though. This guy named Jason cut my hair, and he was the sweetest man ever. We hit it off and talked about everything while he painstakingly cut and highlighted my hair. Three and a half hours later he was finished. And he told me wanted to give me a haircut that made me more distinctive. He said my haircut would help prospective employers take notice of me and notice me more.

Two months later this is exactly what happened.

Last Sunday I was working in the flower shop when this woman came in. She wanted to buy flowers for her mother-in-law, and she didn’t care what she got. In her words she “despised the woman.” Haha. While I was wrapping her flowers for her, she commented on my haircut and how much she liked it. She asked me where I got it cut and from there we just started chatting. One thing led to another and I mentioned how I recently moved to Boston from Texas, then I told her I’d just graduated from college.

She asked me what I’d studied and when I told her journalism her eyes lit up.

“Journalism? So you write then?”

Yes. I write. Not well. But I try.

But I didn’t tell her that. I told her that yes, I write and I love it. I told her I’ve been looking for any sort of job that would give me more experience.

She whipped out a piece of paper and started talking again, telling me about what she does and that I should e-mail her. She told me she knew people at the Weekly Dig and at Stuff and at the Boston Phoenix. She told me she was looking for someone to work on writing projects for her. This woman moves very quickly and before I knew it she was out the door, leaving me with her e-mail address in hand and a fluttering heart. I was wondering if it was some sort of a joke.

A couple days later I decided to shoot her an e-mail to see what whould happen. I kept it quiet from everyone because I didn’t want to be embarrassed like I was with that other job. But after receiving a positive response from her I started to feel better. We set up a meeting for my next day off, which was today, to talk about getting started on some writing projects.

Basically, this woman is an event planner for JP Centre/South Main Streets. It’s an organization in Jamaica Plain that’s focused on keeping the community a part of the big cities. It focuses on shopping locally and drawing tourists into areas of the city that are off the beaten path, so to speak.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went in today. I was afraid to hope. I didn’t want to be disappointed again.

But, my readers, I was anything but disappointed. 

I met with the woman and she started reeling off story ideas for me to begin working on immediately.

She wants me write about First Thursdays, an art event in JP. She wants me to do profiles over interesting people in Jamaica Plain, one of whom is the former personal assistant to Steven Tyler. Yes, the Steven Tyler. She wants me come up with my own ideas and be creative. I have a bit of free rein with this project, I was excited to learn.

After picking my jaw up off the floor I started furiously writing everything down. She threw names and numbers of contacts at me so quickly I could barely get it all down. She suggested I write a story a week. She told me she wanted me to write a few press releases for her events; press releases that will possibly be in the Weekly Dig and the Phoenix, and if she can swing it, the Boston Herald and the Globe. The Boston Globe. Yes, the Globe. Me. In the Globe. It’s a slim possibility, but it’s a possibility nonetheless. (And in case you forgot, possiblity is my favorite word.)

She set me up with a more professional e-mail address and is getting me in touch with a designer to get business cards. She wants me to be able to hand out my cards as a freelance writer at events, because apparently, I get to attend them with her.

She wants to help me because by writing these stories for her I’m helping her out.

Why do I deserve this? I feel so blessed. Three months ago I was at home in Midland and had graduated 10 days prior. Now I’m in Boston, working at a flower shop and acting as a freelance writer.

What if I had never done this? That thought scares me even more than actually moving here scared me. What if I had never moved here, had never gone to that beauty school on that one night that Jason was there? What if I’d never started working at the flower shop and never met this woman?

What if I’d listened to the professors and advisers at school who told me not to move to Boston?

I have to wonder what I’d be doing right now. 

I know this isn’t a “forever” job. I know that it’s not permanent and I know that it sucks to not get paid for my work.

BUT.

But it’s something to put on my resume. It’s more experience and it’s a way to get my name out there in Boston. I am a writer in Boston. How supremely awesome is that?

I’ve always been told how difficult it is to get “in” in Boston; that it’s an extremely closed community to outsiders. This is how I picture it. Boston is a closed door. But I shoved my foot in the miniscule crack and I’m forcing my way in and won’t stop until I make it. I’ve got my foot in the door.

So tomorrow, I get to start working on my first story. And that makes me so unbelievably happy. I feel like I’m about to burst out of my skin with joy.

It’s days like today where I’m going to be so happy I smile widely at strangers. This is when I feel less skeptical and cynical about the world. This is the type of day where I’m able to believe in magic and in hope and in the power of dreaming.

Because look where dreaming big got me.

Sweet little surprises.

March 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Tonight I received encouragement and direction from a most unexpected source: a fortune cookie. As I am a firm believer in all things whimsical–I am the girl who wishes at 11:11–I would like to also believe in the outcome of this hopeful fortune. I hope telling everyone what it is doesn’t negate the effects.

“You will obtain your goal if you maintain your course.”

Woah. Really? That, in my opinion, actually was some insightful stuff for a measly fortune cookie from a second-rate Chinese food joint. But it warmed my heart. Because it’s little signs like that, little occurences that make me believe in what I’m doing. I feel like it was a little nudge that says, “Hey, no worries. Just keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll be fine.” I know everyone has been incredibly supportive of me, and I appreciate that to no end, but it’s nice to get the subtle enouragements. Such as from a fortune cookie. It was a sweet little surprise.

I came to an uneasy realization today: I want to be a part of corporate America. Seriously. In a weird, it’s-time-to-grow-up-a-little way, I want to be a part of something.

I came to this conclusion this morning after receiving a call from a headhunter of sorts who found my resume on Monster and called about an open position at a company in Boston. Of course I was a bit skeptical after recent events, but if I’m given an interview, I’ve decided I’ll definitely take it. He told me some aspects of the job, and it’s one of the typical 8-5, work all day, be the lowest one on the totem pole type job.It’s along the lines of what I’ve actually been looking for, so I was surprised. That’s fine with me.

Actually it’s more than fine. The intensity with which I want this interview frightens me, because frankly, I’m at a loss. I’m ready for a big-girl job, to a point. I want to be one of those people on the T early in the morning, groggy, bleary-eyed and clutching a gallon of coffee. I want to be grumpy from lack of sleep. I wouldn’t mind cutting short the nights out on the town. (For a while anyway. Then I’ll just deal.) I want to wear the crisp business suits and awesome clothes and feel like I’m actually somebody. Like I’m actually doing something instead of just reading my life away. I want to come home each day knowing I’ve done something important and contributed to a cause. I just feel ready.

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , ,

If you want to hear God laugh…

February 24, 2010 Leave a comment

The best thing about life after college (and yes, I realize how pathetic it is that this is my highlight) is getting to read whatever I want and whenever I want. I love it. Today I even made a list of books I want to read and books I want to re-read. Is that genuis or am I completely lame?

Books to read:

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (He wrote my FAVORITE short story ever–A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings–so I feel like I wouldn’t be a true Marquez-lover until I sample one of his novels.)

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (Ok. I tried reading this a few times when I was younger. Specifically, it was when I was in 4th grade. And I don’t think my little 9-year-old brain could appreciate it.)

Little Bee by Chris Cleave (My friend just told me about this book. It’s a pretty recent release, so I may hold off on it until it hits the library.)

What is the What by Dave Eggers (Um, yeah. After reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius I am dying to read more by Eggers.)

7 Types of Ambiguity by Elliot Perlman (It sounds fascinating. And depressing. It’s just a massive book and a bit daunting.)

The Princess Bride by William Goldman (Saw the movie a long time ago. Figured I should give the book a shot too.)

Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane (Saw this movie last weekend. Must, absolutely read the book as soon as possible.)

The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown (I’m a huge Dan Brown fan.)

Lucky by Alice Sebold (Her memoir. I must figure out why she writes about the things she writes about and I figure her memoir might give some clues.)

Rage Against the Meshugenah by Danny Evans (Hehe. This man is the author of the Dad Gone Mad blog that I follow. He’s hilarious. And if his blog can make me giggle for three hours at a time I figure his memoir must be entertaining.)

Books to Re-read (This list is a lot shorter. But I’m sure I can come up with more at a later time.)

A Separate Peace by John Knowles (There’s something in this book I’m determined to find.)

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (I remember reading this in junior high and loving it.)

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (I remember this book from my English class my junior year of high school. I think the entire class boycotted reading it because we hated our teacher so much. Oops. But everyone always says it’s a fantastic book.)

I think that’s all for right now, on the books front.

Anyway. It’s been a week since the whole job implosion. And it’s amazing how much better I feel about it. Everything truly is going to be fine, and I came out of the whole thing more determined than ever. So that’s a plus. I was amazed at how kind everyone has been.

I’ve decided one of the keys to making it in a city is to never get cocky. Never think you’ve got everything under control. Because I feel like the rug can get ripped out from you at any time.

It’s like that quote: If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.

Just don’t even try. Maybe it’s all about simply learning to go with the flow.

Categories: Thoughts Tags: , , , , ,

Faith in the Workplace

September 17, 2008 Leave a comment

I saw the absolute weirdest thing on the way to my car after classes today…there was a guy riding a motorized cooler. I’m not even kidding. He was just zooming along the sidewalk, with the handle pulled up to create a sort of steering wheel. It was pretty entertaining to watch the expressions of the people he passed on the way.

I started my new job today. Well, not technically new, just new to Lubbock. I worked at New York and Company in Dallas this summer, and I just finally transferred my employed to the store here. It’s…pretty intense. My store in Dallas was quieter, because it was in an outdoor shopping center so it didn’t get as much traffic. But geez, I did not expect the Lubbock store to be so much busier! It was nice though, because the time flew, and I never had a moment to sit or slow down. I really liked that. I hate boring jobs. But oh, my goodness, my feet hurt so bad. This is when I need a boyfriend, so he can give me a foot and back rub! Haha. (Nah, I’m totally content being single.)

I really like working at New York and Company. It’s kind of a female camaraderie thing, because mostly only girls work there, and the clothes are all womens. At the store in Dallas, I worked with a great group of girls. They were so much fun. I’m hoping I get along as well with the girls at the Lubbock store. It’s kind of hard to get used to a new place though…but I think it’ll work out pretty well. I’m optimistic. I’m not going to screw up another job.

School is picking up at a maddening pace. I simply can’t believe that it’s already the fourth week of school…that’s a little sick! But I’m glad it’s flying. However, I have so much to get done tonight, I’m looking at a definite late night. And my first test is Friday, blah.

I started going to this really great church this Sunday. It’s nice to be able to choose on whether or not I want to go. All my life, I’ve had church stuffed down my throat. I went to a Christian school for most of my life, and it made me resent anything related to religion/faith for a long, long time. But this summer changed me. When I got that internship, that golden ticket out of this town, I knew that I was being saved. God knew how badly I needed to get away for a few months. But it really proved to me that someone is looking out for me, and I’ve never felt so safe or loved. I found this incredible church in Flower Mound and I went every single week this summer. It just gave me an amazing feeling of groundedness, that I was in an unfamiliar place but still hearing something familiar. So I decided to continue attending church this semester. And I’ve already met a really nice person at this church! So I’m looking forward to this coming Sunday. 🙂 And that’s how I know I’ve changed. I used to dread Sundays. But now, Sundays leave me feeling refreshed, like I’m ready to take on the new week. And that amazing feeling of being taken care of hasn’t left yet. God is good.

Sorry this blog is a little loopy. My mind is all over the place!!

Categories: school Tags: , , , , , ,