Home > Thoughts > Dream bigger, please. Make magic.

Dream bigger, please. Make magic.

2010. You little bastard.

2010 was the weirdest year of my life. 2010 was the hardest year of my life. It was the most stretching, the most difficult, the most heartbreaking.

And yet, it also was the most triumphant year of my life. In 2010 I feel as though I changed into a different — a person that I’m beginning to be ok with. I like the way I’ve changed — for the most part. There’s always things to work on.

There was no big romantic love this year. That was a big difference. I think it was because my heart is still a little torn up about Boston. I gave so much of myself to that endeavor — I spent months planning, dreaming, imagining. I spent months searching for an apartment, visualizing myself taking the T, walking through the snowy streets of that new city. There was no room for anyone or anything else in my heart. And right now, there’s still not. I think I’m not happy unless I’m planning my next big escape, and putting my heart and soul into that.

That’s ok, right?

Leaving Boston was heartbreaking. It broke me for a little while. But anyway.

So here’s my year-in-review. 2010: What a year.

January.

My dream.

Well, of course, I up and moved to Boston. Jan. 10, 2010. I remember not being as scared as I should have been. I didn’t realize the implications of my move, or how hard it could be. What I remember most is the satisfaction of saying I would do something and actually following through with it. It was a good feeling.

It was a great feeling. January was a good month. I explored, I walked, I observed new people. I found a wall by Mass Art that had the gem of a quote that’s the title of this post. I worked for sweet Betsy. It was a magical month. I loved Boston: The snow covering the Common, riding the T. The frozen Charles river. Eerything.

February.

Oh, February. We didn’t get along so well. I can honestly say it was the hardest month this year. But I survived it. And it was the month that sparked my writing nearly every day, which I love.

I went to New York City by myself for Valentine’s Day, and it was incredible.

Freedom.

In February I fell. I thought I had a job and then I didn’t. And that’s OK.

Life isn’t always daisies and roses and freakin’ rainbows. People suck sometimes. But that’s OK. We’re all human.

So February. I fell and it took me a while to get back on my feet. But I did, finally, and I was all the better for it.

March.

Spring. Life. Flowers. March was when I got my job in the flower shop. And truly: I loved it. The job made me happier than every job I’ve held so far. The people I interacted with were (for the most part) pretty amazing. I worked harder than I’ve ever worked before, and for a while, I was happier than I’d ever been.

Love.

Love.

I met some truly incredible people: People I still remember today. The pansies man, and Steve. The guy who wanted the rose. The other guywho ays needed a beautiful bouquet for his girlfriend — and always made a point to talk to me and start a conversation, and find out why I moved out to Boston. He was kind, and I appreciated it. There was Cena, the man who worked in the shop next to the flower shop. He was kind — and always gave me an apple. 🙂 There was also the eccentric hair dresser: She was fabulous, and always stopped to tell me the display looked, “Fabulous, love, just fabulous.” She made my days happy.

I also met some amazing people outside of work. Being me though, I screwed it up, royally. And I still wish it had worked out differently.

April.

A hard month. My employers left for a trip to NYC for two weeks, and I was pretty much in charge of the shop in Back Bay. I worked for two weeks straight and it was hard. Little did I know, it was the beginning of the end. I worked double shifts from 7:30 a.m. to 9 or 10 at night. It. Was. Brutal. Apparently I have a hard time saying no when people ask me to work.

May.

I left Boston.

My Boston.

I left Boston in the hopes that I’d get the job I have now. My best friend got married, and her wedding was beautiful. But it was hard being home. I was resentful and missing Boston and frustrated with myself for giving up. It was a hard month. I remember writing one night that it already felt like someone else’s life. And it did. It felt like I’d never left, and I hated that.

But it was also nice getting reacquainted with my friends, my family, and more importantly: Texas. I realized while in Boston I dearly love this state: The people, the atmosphere, the rolling, flat landscape. It’s beautiful in its own way, and I can appreciate it now. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stay here forever. Hell no. There’s too much of that great, big, beautiful, amazing and ever-changing world to see. I can’t wait.

June.

My birthday month. The month I started my first job at a newspaper. I made some stupid mistakes, I sat by the pool drinking beers with my best friend and I settled into my new job.

I tried to end my blog, but that didn’t last. Even though I don’t write as much as I used to, this blog is important to me. I like knowing it’s here; that I can use it as an outlet for my joys, my struggles, my angst and thoughts.

A trip to Barnes and Noble one morning sparked a new love: Travel. Exploring the world. It was at that point I started thinking about some new opportunities within the next few years.

July.

Hmm. July. I stopped writing. It was like my words dried up for a little while. I was still learning to settle down in Lubbock. And learning about the job. But once I got into a rhythm, it wasn’t so bad. But in the back of my head,  Iwas still dreaming. Always dreaming. I’m never not dreaming.

August.

I don’t even know. I was reading a lot and working a lot and missing Boston. To be honest, it all blends together. It was an unremarkable month, much like most of my months and days lately.

September.

Oh, this was a good month. My good friend from Germany came to visit, and it was so good to see him and catch up after nearly six years of not seeing each other. It was definitely interesting and a little bit unexpected. Hmmm…I think that’s all I’ll say on here.

This month I also realized how to accept where I am. I made a conscious effort to stop regretting my choices, and learn to be where I am. Does that make sense? I’m trying, really I am.

I also came to the realization that no matter where I am in my life, there’s always going to be things back home I’ll miss. So, to counteract that, I’ve gotta be somewhere awesome so it’s not so bad.

Oh, and I also went skydiving. It was amazing. incredible. Liberating. I LOVED IT.

Liberation.

October.

October, October…hmm. October I realized I had to start being happy. I had to stop reliving my time in Boston, because it wasn’t coming back. And that was ok. I have other things to look forward to. Bigger things. Better things.

October was hard. I was working six days a week and it. was. rough. I felt like I never left work, but I did save an ass-load of money. That’s nice.

November.

November I missed my first holiday with my family: Thanksgiving. It was hard, then again, what’s not hard these days?

And December.

The last month of the year. Christmas. The holidays. Cheer and thanksgiving and peace.

I worked Christmas too. And now I’m here, on the same couch I was on in 2009, ringing in the new year the same way. And yet, I’m different, so that’s OK. I don’t mind it.

This year is over. As I’m writing this, there are 2 hours and 5 minutes left in the year.

I’m ready, 2011. I thought I was ready for 2010, but as it turns out, I think 2011 will be my year.

I still have hope. I still have dreams. I’m going to make magic.

2011 will be amazing. I’m determined to make it so, and you all know I’m a girl with some serious determination.

So here are my resolutions:

I’m going to be brave. I’m going to take on the world.

 I want to stay in shape: Running has been working wonders for me.

I want to find peace. I want to remember that this is my one chance in life, and if I want to do something, I’m going to do it.

But more importantly, I want to continue dreaming. The thing I believe in most is a person’s capacityto dream. Without that, we’re a little lost.

I dream big dreams.

It’s what got me to Boston. It’s what has (and is) getting me through living in Lubbock again.

Dreams are going to carry me around the world, and I can’t wait to see where I land first.

2011 will be my year of adventure, my year of excitement: My year of unexpectedness. It will be. I can’t handle it not being otherwise.

So get ready, people: 2011 is upon us.

Make some magic.

Advertisements
Categories: Thoughts Tags: , , , , , , ,
  1. Shannon P
    December 31, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    You are amazing! Keep looking inward and onward. You are strong, smart and important in this world. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself every time you write.

  2. The West Coast
    January 1, 2011 at 6:17 am

    The West Coast wishes you well in this wonderful new year Katie! To all your dreams dear (Two hours late of course), cheers!

  3. Elizabeth
    January 11, 2011 at 4:42 am

    hey, i know you have to approve these so i’m writing my comment on here again..i hope thats ok. if i try and talk on the phone to you, you most likely wont listen so writing is the only way i guess..and im better at it. for some reason i always write these really late at night so hopefully i wont wake up wondering what the heck i said on here and why haha. but anways,first, thank you for your honesty in this. it was really enjoyable to read, you are a very good writer! second, i’m going to be honest also. but i want to preface everything i say with that i’m saying it in love. im saying it because i love you and because i see so much in you. so, im going to be honest so that maybe you might see what i see. here it goes…
    you talk a lot about your dreams. and thats awesome. cuz thats how you were made-you were made to dream big and love adventure and love travel. those are all awesome things. but i feel like you put more faith in your dreams than you do in yourself if that makes sense..you also put more faith in your dreams than you do the God who gave you the ability to dream dreams..in the God who invented dreams, who put that very desire inside of you and wove that into your very being. Katie, God wants to fulfill your dreams. He wants to give you the desire of your heart. But if your only chasing hard after your draems and never him, you’re not going to be fully satisfied when that dream comes true…not to be discouraging but take boston for example. you made it there, you did it, you fulfilled your dream of moving to boston. but once you were there, it didnt turn out to be what you thought it would. it didnt bring the satisfaction you’d hoped. b/c it couldnt…you will never truely be satisfied if you don’t find your satisfaction in Jesus first. I know i’ve told you that before but just wanted to hit my point home if i havent already..(hehe). God is not disappointed in you. He’s not frustrated with you. He’s not turning his back on you. He doesn’t think you’re a loser. He doesn’t think your ugly or fat. He doesn’t think you’re a lost cause. Katie, he loves you. Very much. He wants to comfort you in your lonliness. He wants to be there for you when no one else is. He wants to be your Father, b/c you are his daughter. He’s a perfect daddy. He wants to give you the life he has planned for you because its better than anything you could ever ask for or imagine. He wants to show you his faithfulness. He loves the farthest corners of your heart. He loves every part of who you are-your thoughts, your personality, your appearance, your desires, your ambitions, your dreams, your talents, your gifts, your struggles, your frustrations, the things you hate about yourself, your voice, your hair, your eyes, your hopes, your fears, because he has made ALL of you. You were made in His image. You were made for him-because he delights in you! You were made for a relationship with him-because his heart burning with desire for you Katie. And that love is the ONLY thing that will ever fulfill your desire for love or adventure or anything. He’s made me and my heart for adventure too. And I’ve learned that God LOVES adventure. and that it’s only found in him and in following his plan for my life. because believe me, he WILL take you on an adventure when you’re following him. He told his disciples to go to the ends of the earth remember???? ok i feel like I’m rambling now…..i just dont want you to rely on your dreams to bring you happiness/satisfaction/fulfillment/etc. because im sorry but they wont..they cant. they arent alive. they dont speak. they might take you places but those places cant speak either. they dont have a beating heart or a voice or feelings or love or anything like Jesus. It’s like an idol made out of gold-gold is expensive and valuable and can by you lots of crap that ppl think they need and think will make them happy, but it cant do anything! it never will. Jesus is living and breathing and POWERFUL and loving and he wants to fulfill your every need and desire. you just have to want him to and ask him to. you have to surrender your life to him by realizing you cant do it on your own. He has an amazing life planned for you Katie..and he’s inviting you into it whenever you would like. He’s never going to be pushy or angry or forceful..i might be haha but never him. He’s patient. And he always will be. You cannot exhaust any part of him. So, I hope you will sincerely think about the things ive said and not just brush them off with a roll of your eyes. Because this is real Katie..Jesus is more real and more loving and powerful than you can comprehend. and Satan is real too. and he loves to lie to you and make you believe every discouraging thing about yourself that you believe..ya, those are all lies from Satan. but truth is found in Jesus. and it will set you free! free from lies and depression and hopelessness and desperation and self hatred. ive experienced the death that believing lies can bring..ive experiences what its like to walk without God versus walking with him. and it was the worst time of my life..it was the scariest time of my life, the most depressing time of my life. and after tasting who Jesus is, I will never go back. eh ok its almost 4 a.m…i gotta get to sleep..and you’re probly glad this is over haha. please talk to me about this..i’d love to talk with you. even if its about something that made you mad. Love you sis, you’re awesome. you have so much going for you..otherwise i wouldnt have wasted my time at 3 in the morning haha. night

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: