Home > Uncategorized > Self-fulfilling prophecies.

Self-fulfilling prophecies.

September 24, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

“Which brings me, as always, back to Boston. I leave in 20 days, and my feelings about that are becoming more and more excited. Finally, all I have left to do is get ready for that. That’s the only thing I need to worry about right now. That, and saying goodbye to my family and friends.

Which, I’ll be honest, I’m terrified to do. I’m scared that I’ll get to Boston and fall apart. Even as I type this though, I kind of have to laugh at myself. I believe this is right for me, and I think I’ll be OK. I really, really do. That’s what is going to get me through.

I don’t want my move to Boston to be like my year at Texas A&M. I don’t want to shut myself off from experiences because I’m scared. I want to continue to be open to everything. I want to try new things. I want to lose sleep because I’m spending time with amazing people. I want to “be wild, be young, be free.” Yes, I am a college graduate, but let’s be honest: I’m 21, and moving to a big city on a whim. It’s pretty darn cool. So I will be young and I will be free and I will make this experience something to remember.

It’s going to change my life and I’m so excited to see what’s in store for me.”

*********

Who do you think wrote those words?

You get three gets and the first two don’t count.

Me. I wrote that. If you want you can read the post here.

What the hell happened to me?

I went to Boston and did exactly what I was afraid of.

I know my last post was all about how I am growing up and learning to deal with my decisions. But then I started re-reading my old posts, trying to figure out what happened. And I’m still not sure.

That post threw me for a loop. It’s funny that back in December I had a feeling I’d get scared. And look what happened. I know I can’t change what I chose, and all I can do at this point is move forward, but I’m just so fricken’ disappointed. I’m disappointed in myself, I’m disappointed that I didn’t act like an adult, I’m disappointed that I didn’t think through the consequences of my decision to come home: of how I would feel six months down the road. And I feel awful.

But enough about that, I think.

I wish I hadn’t read that today.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. The Seattle Freeze Got Me
    September 27, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    As a Lubbockite in name only, I think I’m qualified to comment on this post.

    First off: I wouldn’t be so harsh on yourself. Moving to Boston and back again is not something that determines if you acted like an adult. It sounds more like an amazing sojourn (That Bilbo Baggins would take). It’s not anything you should be disappointed or ashamed of. It’s not something to mull over with disdain.

    You’re a lady that made two successful moves and had one stumbling point. I’m in the midst of my only sojourn outside of my home town. Perhaps it’s a final relocation and perhaps it’s truly a sojourn. It’s the experience of the journey, going from where you are to where you want to me, that matters; in location as well as personally.

    As someone who’s had the same fears about starting his own journey, I can relate to what you’re saying better now than when you had left. I fear the same things now.

    It is hard to get up, go out, and break the ice. It’s called it the “Seattle Freeze” here. It’s years before some people can break the freeze and create a group of people. As a social peacock, this is incredibly difficult to take in some days. It’s definitely getting to me as you’re aware.

    We’ll see how it works out. Let me play the harsh friend for a moment. I can understand why you made the choices you did and they’re nothing to be disappointed in or ashamed. That is, unless you’re wanting to repeat them.

    It’s come time for you to look in the mirror and keep telling yourself what you want to be and what you want to do. It sounds like you have a map, but you’re missing a compass and a destination. Just fretting over those facts will only frustrate you. Friends and family are here to show you the way; wherever you want to go.

    Right now, you’re talking about Boston and moving with a lot of fear. You’ve got this fear because you gained experience enough to flesh out a lot of the unknown unknowns that were out there. Now you’re aware of a lot more and ready to tackle another journey with the experience you’ve gained.

    I would much rather hear you speak of these places with the same wonder and awe you did a year and a half ago instead of being paralyzed by your own fears. You know what it’s like out there. Either you’re ready for it, getting ready for it, or you’re not.

    So here’s to picking yourself up and putting yourself out there every day. Here’s to looking in the mirror, pondering if what you’re telling yourself is right, and then acting.

    This is as much of me talking to you as to myself. The freeze has got me down for now but I’m not out. If it doesn’t work out? I don’t know…I’m all in.

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