Home > Uncategorized > Loneliness will keep you company if you let it.

Loneliness will keep you company if you let it.

I am prefacing this post with a few statements.

I am not writing this to garner sympathy.

I am not looking for an influx of calls, e-mails or texts from well-meaning people back home. I DO NOT want to talk about it.

I just want to write and hope that I begin to feel better.

Because right now I feel lost. I feel alone.

Like I’ve said in previous posts, I need to start meeting more people. I have fun with everyone I work with, and I enjoy spending time with my roommates. But something’s got to give.

At work it’s so easy to talk to people. When girls my age come in to the shop I have a reason to chat with them: I’m helping them pick out flowers for their mom or best friend. I can put myself into their situation and help them find something pretty. I’m allowed to ask about the occasion and find out more. But there’s that safety of having a reason to start a conversation; a wall between us: I work there. To them, all I am is the girl in the flower shop. But to me, as creepy as it sounds, those short conversations are gems that I hold on to. I miss my best girl friends at home, and those encounters are something important to me.

At Tech I had a group. I had people who achored me. By moving here I cut the cord and now I’m terrified that maybe I made the wrong decision. I second-guess myself so much. Even though I love my flower job and even though I miraculously found a small writing job I ask myself at night sometimes if it’s worth it.

When will I find my place here? It seems like it’d be so easy to disappear.

Being lonely sucks.

I hope you all know how much I love you.

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  1. April 12, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    We know you love us as long as you know we love you!!! 🙂

  2. April 13, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    I’m sorry about the loneliness :(. It is tough meeting people, but maybe using the blogging community could help out? See if you could make some friends in the area perhaps?

    Thank you for your comment on my post, btw. I’m sorry you never got a chance to say goodbye to your grandparents, but what helped me work towards closure was writing about it. Maybe it could do the same for you.

    Looking forward to reading more of your posts!

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