Home > Boston...again. > More hopeless ramblings.

More hopeless ramblings.

Since I moved to Boston, I’ve started walking a lot. Mostly that is because I have no car up here. But Boston definitely is a walking city.

I’ve found that I love to walk. In Boston I feel like I’m actually getting somewhere when I do walk. In Texas everything is so spread out so it’d be impossible to get anywhere.

Anyway. That’s beside the point. The point is, I walk a lot. I walk to the store. I walk to the T stop. I walk to the bars. I walk everywhere.

And I love it. Last night I walked to Central Square in Cambridge. From my apartment, that’s a little more than three miles. It was a brilliant walk. The air was crisp and cool, and it stung my face refreshingly. The walk took me over the Harvard Bridge. I love walking over that bridge. From there you get one of the most beautiful views of the city.

Last night I needed to get away from my room, from my apartment. I needed to get that distance from Boston so I could remind myself of what I’m aiming for: to make it. That’s all I want. I just want to consider myself a success. I want to be something and do something spectacular. I want to do something that matters. I want to make the most of everything.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like a failure. When I see my friends doing actual things with their lives I wonder what I’m doing.I see them getting married and planning the rest of their lives and getting important jobs and I wonder if moving up here was a silly decision. I wonder if I ever will find that job in the city that leads me to being an editor. I wonder if being an editor is what I’m supposed to do. It’s so easy to start second guessing myself, and I hate that.

That view of Boston was exactly what I needed. It shocked me into appreciating the city again. The lights and the dramatic horizon reminded me how much I love living here and how badly I want to make it. It reminded me how much I want to do something big with my life.

The view also reminded me how different this place is from home. Texas.

I missed Texas today. I missed the dry air. The way that mornings are freezing cold and the afternoons uncomfortably warm. I missed the wide open plains of West Texas, with it’s cow farms and corn fields. I miss the wind and the dust.(Ok, maybe not the dust so much.) I missed Texas Tech and my best friends. The safety and security of school would be wonderful right now. I miss the brown tint in the sky. I miss the things I hated. I miss them because they are so familiar to me.

I know this is a passing feeling, but it is a difficult feeling.

I ramble way,way too much. Forgive me.

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