Home > Thoughts, Uncategorized > Here is the love.

Here is the love.

So yesterday was Valentine’s Day. And yesterday was also the day that I wrote about how it didn’t matter to me; that I felt comfortable with myself and being single.

While that is still completely true there was still a slight part of me that felt unbearably lonely. With all the reminders around me that yesterday was the day to spend with someone special it was a struggle to remain upbeat and not worry about wandering around all by myself.

There were couples everywhere: riding the carriages in Central Park, walking down the streets holding hands, making out in the seats in front of me on the bus. The whole way home.

It was hard not to notice the love everywhere. I tried to keep the thoughts contained in one small part of my head, because I knew that if I let it get to me it would ruin the peace I normally feel about being single.

Seeing all the couples everywhere reminded me how isolated living in a city can be. Even though I am constantly surrounded by people, and different people every day, there’s no intimacy with anyone. I see these people, but we don’t connect with each other. In the city we spend our days crammed together on the T, trying so hard not to make eye contact with anyone or brush up against someone inappropriately. We walk quickly down the sidewalks, hands in pockets and heads bent against the cold. People don’t notice each other as much. I feel like in the city we construct these walls around ourselves. It’s a matter of staying safe and protected within the confines of our selves. And when we see people who treat each other as though they have absolutely no walls it sheds light of what we’ve done to ourselves.

When a day like yesterday comes around it’s easy to feel alone. I saw one couple yesterday at the bus stop to go back to Boston. They were clinging to each other. The boy was going back to Boston; she was staying in the city. They were whispering in each other’s ear. Both looked on the verge of tears. They just stood there, for 15 minutes, holding each other. As they were standing about three feet away from me I definitely felt as though I was intruding on something private.

But it was beautiful to see. It reminded me of a time when I was with someone and each departure felt like I would die a little inside. I remember feeling so connected to a person that leaving him made my chest tighten and my eyes well up on command. I remember how it felt to only feel whole when I was with him. And even though it’s been years and years since I’ve felt this way I feel as though I can contentedly wait for someone who makes me feel this way again. Who makes me feel as though my world will not be complete unless he is next to me.

Woah. That got a little heavy. Back to my original point: Love. And how it was everywhere. But I liked noticing the different kinds of love around.

Eh. There’s not much of a point to this. Just thinking aloud.

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