Home > Thoughts > Everything changes.

Everything changes.

And just like that…it’s over. Everything. College. School. My jobs.

I think it’s OK though. So far, I feel pretty great about it. I just am in shock a little bit, I think.

The day before graduation I woke up feeling better than I had since September. Everything was OFFICIALLY over–we had finished the yearbook deadline the night before. Kind of. Long story. But anyway, I woke up that morning knowing I could just relax. I had nothing to turn in, no one to interview, nothing to write, nothing to edit. I didn’t check e-mail. It felt fantastic. I got ready that morning blasting my favorite music (and possibly even using my hairbrush as a microphone). I got to spend the entire day with my best friend, and went to a graduation party later that evening. That party definitely turned out to be more fun than I anticipated.

Graduation was incredible. I woke up that morning and leapt out of bed and jumped around for a few minutes. I felt overwhelmed with excitement, and OK, pride. I mean, come on, this was my college graduation. I’m allowed to be proud of myself and a little smug.

The ceremony was flat-out special and emotional. I graduated with the College of Mass Communications (obviously), and within the college we were divided up by major. So I was in a row with about 15-20 people that I’ve worked on projects and stories with for the last two years. It was amazing. It made the ceremony so intimate and so much less anonymous. All the stress, all the worry, all the frustration of being a journalism major kind of flew out the window at that ceremony. We all worked toward this togethre and got to see it through to the end together. It was amazing. My favorite professor was the one who called the names, so that also made everything just a little more special.

During the ceremony, President Guy Bailey commended all the graduates on our hard work, but then he mentioned how it wasn’t just about us today. And that’s when it hit me: This day was not just MY day, it was also my parent’s day; my family’s day. My Mom and Dad invested a lot into my education, and all I can say is that I hope I made them proud. I teared up when Guy Bailey said that because I wanted them to know how much their support has meant to me the last three and a half years. I couldn’t have done this without them.

The actual getting-handed-my-diploma part was over so quickly I could barely comprehend it. I thought it was going to monumental, and yes, getting my tube that was supposed to have my diploma was cool. And getting to shake the president’s hand was pretty neat too. And hearing my name echoed throughout the United Spirit Arena also had its perks. But really, it was the before and after that made it special. It was laughing with all my friends before the ceremony. It was hearing the cheers for each graduate. It was tearing up when I saw my beloved Papa after the ceremony because he said I looked beautiful and that he was proud of me. It was celebrating that night with everyone, and screaming “We graduated!” over and over and over at the top of our lungs. It wasn’t the ceremony: It was the moments leading up to it and after it that made it amazing. It was studying late nights and working until my eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. It was three years of school and buying books and making new friends that made that ceremony special.

It took me a long time to get used to college. I’ll be honest; I hated it at first. That’s one of the major reasons I transferred to Texas Tech. I know now that move was the best decision for me, because I loved my time at Tech. But I didn’t try hard enough my freshman year to get out there and experience was A&M had to offer. I think things would have been different if I had.

College ended up being some of the best times of my life. I know everyone always says that, but I finally feel like I understand it a little bit more now. I’m sad that it’s over, but I know deep down that if I honestly had one more semester at school I’d go a little bit crazy. I made so many memories during my years at Tech. There are so many late nights and early mornings I wouldn’t give up for the world. I made incredible friends. I fell a little bit in love. I got my heart broken. I cried, I laughed, I smiled. I allowed myself to be open to new experiences. I am proud of myself. Truly and deeply. Not because I made an A in class or whatever; it’s not about that. But it’s more when I look back at the person I was my freshman year and the person I am now, I feel the deepest sense of relief. I am glad I’ve changed and I’m pleased with the person I have become and am becoming. It makes me proud.

This semester was the most incredible one of my life. This was the one where I found my niche. I figured out who my best friends are. I was OK with being single, and to be honest, I’m glad I was. Well…I was mostly single. Anyway–that’s not the point. This last semester was the biggest blur. I loved (almost) every moment. I learned to stand on my own two feet. I made new friends. I fell for someone. I let myself go a little bit–in a good way, not the “I-gained-50 pounds-and-stopped-showering” type of letting yourself go. I mean that I (tried to) let go of the fears and worries that often hold me back. And by doing that, I got to experience some truly incredible things. I’ve never been so busy and never been so stressed as I was this semester, but I loved it all. My jobs were simultaneously frustrating, but also rewarding. They gave me the experience I need to hopefully find a great job. Those late nights at Student Media were about work, yes, but those nights bonded me with my co-workers. The sleep I lost didn’t matter so much those nights.

I’m not saying everything about this semester was perfect. Like anything, it sucked sometimes. But this was the semester that changed me the most. I’m a little in awe of how things can be if I let go a little bit. It’s beautiful.

 I finally figured out what the hell I’m doing in the spring, and even though I’m terrified, I know it’s the best thing for ME. And right now, that’s the important thing.

Which brings me, as always, back to Boston. I leave in 20 days, and my feelings about that are becoming more and more excited. Finally, all I have left to do is get ready for that. That’s the only thing I need to worry about right now. That, and saying goodbye to my family and friends.

Which, I’ll be honest, I’m terrified to do. I’m scared that I’ll get to Boston and fall apart. Even as I type this though, I kind of have to laugh at myself. I believe this is right for me, and I think I’ll be OK. I really, really do. That’s what is going to get me through.

I don’t want my move to Boston to be like my year at Texas A&M. I don’t want to shut myself off from experiences because I’m scared. I want to continue to be open to everything. I want to try new things. I want to lose sleep because I’m spending time with amazing people. I want to “be wild, be young, be free.” Yes, I am a college graduate, but let’s be honest: I’m 21, and moving to a big city on a whim. It’s pretty darn cool. So I will be young and I will be free and I will make this experience something to remember.

It’s going to change my life and I’m so excited to see what’s in store for me.

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  1. paul
    December 22, 2009 at 12:24 am

    happy for you hun…you will be missed around here… but i am happy for you. Give me a shout or something before you leave for boston ok? God bless you hun…. Glad you are finished…and I hope that this next step in your life brings u everything u hope it will be…. Love you kiddo…

    Paul

  1. September 24, 2010 at 5:29 pm

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