Home > Uncategorized > Realization. Appreciation. Happy-ation.

Realization. Appreciation. Happy-ation.

So this past weekend I went to Midland for my mom’s birthday. She did not know I was coming, or that she would be thrown a huge surprise party Friday night.

It was phenomenal. Although my sister could not be there (7 hours is a long drive), Mom was thrilled I was able to make it. The look on her face when she saw me at the party (and the subsequent tears) was priceless. Absolutely priceless. It meant so much to me to make it in town for the party, and I know it meant so much to her.

The party was a blast. My mom’s friends are great, and this was the first time most of them had heard I’m moving to Boston in January. I got a lot of praise for it, but one woman’s reaction stood out to me. She heard about it, and then looked straight at me and said: “I’m curious to see how long you make it up there.” Uh, thanks. Appreciate that. I’ll show you, I guess.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to talk about my mom. For a long time, I saw her as a sweet, timid woman. I love her to death, but sometimes I just worried about her, I guess. My opinion of her has changed after this weekend home. I was sitting on the couch listening to everyone talk, and my mom was telling a story. I was half-listening, half-observing everyone at the party, and I realized, my mom had EVERYONE in the room laughing hysterically. She was telling a story and had every single person engaged and enjoying themselves. It made me smile to see my “timid” mother carrying the conversation this way. (The lemon-drop martinis may have helped a little. Hello, vodka. Geez.) Anyway, when I realized this, the woman to my left leaned over and says: “You know, your mother is a very forceful woman.”

I kind of started for a second, and then I thought, “you know what? She’s totally right.” And she was. My mom is amazing. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it, regardless of what she has to do to get it. She’s not afraid to call and ask questions of people in power. She single-handedly revamped the Midland Reporter-Telegram’s food section. She substitute teaches those snotty kids in the public school system. She put up with me in junior high. (Haha, guys. Joke.)

I’ve always been told that when I’m older I would appreciate my mom, and I feel like I am getting closer to that point. In the last few months she and I have become very close. I value her input and I want her advice. I never appreciated that before, but now that I’ve realized my mom is stronger than I ever believed, there’s no one I would rather be like. I hope that I can be like that when I get to Boston. I hope that I won’t be afraid to ask questions and figure out what I need and how to get it. I hope I won’t be so intimidated as I am now. I need my mother’s strength.

Now for the Boston update. 🙂 I sent in my deposit and last month’s rent check today. So the space in the apartment is officially mine. (!!!!!) Can you all just take a moment and appreciate this, please? It never fails to amaze me. I know whoever (if anyone) reads this probably gets sick of me waxing poetic (heh heh) about Boston and moving, but seriously? This is a beautiful time for me. I want to document every single thing I can. (Remember? Alzheimer’s runs in my fam. It’s half the reason I keep this thing. To remember.)

Anyway, back to the beauty of this whole thing. I have been waiting to move for the last three years. That may not seem like too long to some people, but seeing as I’ve been so eager to get out of school for that long, it’s a lifetime. I do regret wishing away so much of college, however. What’s especially ironic is that now that I’m one month away from graduating college, I’m not entirely ready to leave. I’ve found my bubble, my place, my group–and I’m scared to leave.

But I’m more scared not to. And that’s why I’m doing this. That’s why I have to do this. Don’t get me wrong; I’m more excited than you could imagine. But the fear (read: sheer, blinding terror.) is always there. In my chest, in a knot.

I do have one question though, just to send out into the universe. Because, in the words of You’ve Got Mail, I just want to send this question out into the cosmic void, and maybe someone out there will answer for me.

Why does something amazing have to come along when I’m leaving? It blows.

Back to Boston. I’m gonna live in Beantown. I will be packing up my books, clothes, and my cat and taking off for the big city. I have to say, I am so excited that I found a place to live where they want a pet. Truth be told, I could not imagine leaving and having to get rid of little Copper. He’s a little shithead at times, but he’s that one living thing that will be physically with me in all of this. Haha. Dramatic me.

I’m still trying to figure out a departure date. Sometime in January, obviously.

WHAT if I can’t find a job? That’s another one of those cosmic questions for the void.

Another big thing happened today: I ordered graduation announcements. I really cannot believe that I will be graduating from COLLEGE in a month. It’s amazing. And scary, exciting, wonderful, terrifying, etc. It’s complicated.

School and work are crazy at the moment. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m exhausted. And yet, it’s 2 a.m. and I’m awake and writing this when I have to be up at 7. There’s a great decision there. Go me.

Thanksgiving is next week, and I’m a little worried about it. It’s the first holiday since my Mimi passed away, and I feel like it will be weird. Papa is going to New York City, which he totally deserves, and my cousins are not coming. It all makes sense, but it will be odd not having the entire family in Midland.

I miss Mimi so much still. I think of her every day, and hope that if she can see me, she’s proud. That’s a random thought, there. Sorry.

I just want to say. I really like this blog. I like writing it; I like talking about my life. I feel like my written words give more insight into me and my head than my spoken words could ever hope to. I’m not very good at talking sometimes. It’s from reading all those damn books. They got me lost in my head; in my thoughts. Ugh, random/weird thought. Don’t judge. That’s all I ask.

“I wish I could tell you / Everything I feel right now / But if I did it might / Change how you see me / And who would want that?”

“Sometimes when I’m sad / I think of you and me / and how you used to hold me / And always take care of me / So I look to the sky / And I pray to God / You can see me now”

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  1. Dad
    March 23, 2010 at 1:17 am

    I believe Mimi can see you, Katie Lou, and I know, without a doubt, she is proud. I miss her, too. Love you.

    Dad

    P.S. Take nothing that you truly love for granted because circumstances can change in a heartbeat. Before you know it, you can’t even say goodbye.

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