Home > Thoughts > So nervous.

So nervous.

Well…the excitement may have died down a bit.

I still want to go, don’t get me wrong. But now I’m realizing what all I will be leaving behind. The fear already is creeping up on me more and more, and that makes me second-guess myself at times.

It’s also hard because really, there’s no point in even dating anymore. Which kind of sucks.

I may have found a place to live though. So, we’ll see. 🙂

I’ll keep you updated.

I’ve been struggling with some stuff lately, and I feel like I should share it. ALL of my best friends are getting married soon. I’m a bridemaid in two of the weddings, and a member of the house party for the third. Even though I am beyond thrilled for all of them, it’s difficult for me to be “THE single girl” in the mix. I’m that girl. The one who’s always by herself, always dateless. And I feel like all anyone is concerned about is getting married. Half the people I told about Boston came back at me with this response: “Oh, you’re young and beautiful, you’ll be snapped up in no time by some cute Boston boy.” Um, right. Because that’s why I’m going to Boston. To get married. NO.

Yes, I want to get married. Yes, it terrifies me I’ll be an old frumpy cat lady. But that is not why I’m going to Boston.

I struggle in being single. I feel pressured to be with someone. But right now? Now I just want to be free. I absolutely love it when I get this response from friends who are tied down: “You’re so lucky. I wish I had had the chance to do that.” You’re right. I AM lucky.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not lonely. I have to believe it’ll happen for me. Someday. That’s the key word. For now? I’m free.

And to those of you who say I’m not marriage material? Bullshit. Just saying.

‘Be young, be wild, be free.’ –my new life motto. From some country song.

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