Home > Uncategorized > I’m going to dream big.

I’m going to dream big.

I want to know why I am not allowed to dream anymore.

 

Everyone (ok, mostly adults) has constantly been telling me the last fews months I have to find a job.

Wow. Really? I didn’t know that. Thanks.

 I know this. I know that as of December 16, I am on my own. A grown-up. Responsible. Right. I’m not sure I believe that. I know I should. But I’m 21. I want to find a job, but I want to have adventure. I don’t want to be on the fast track to the cookie-cutter life: a house in the suburbs, husband, two kids and a dog. I don’t want that yet. Eventually.  But not now.

ALl the emphasis on finding a job has thrown me for a loop.  

The whole time I was growing up, all I was ever told was to get out there and follow my dreams. I was told I could anything, be anything, go anywhere and do anything I want to do. I was told to try things. Experience. Make friends. See the world.

Now? Now all I hear is that the economy is in the hole. I should, basically, settle, for anywhere that will deign to hire me. I’m not sure I want to fall for that. I do not know if I can. I don’t think I can make myself do something, just because it’s the practical or smart thing to do.

 

I grew up with my head in books. There are so many movies and shows and music groups I’ve never heard of because I essentially read my way through my childhood. I didn’t know my way around my hometown until I was 16 because I read every time I got in the car with my mom to go somewhere. But I’m not sure all this reading helped me out. Now? I have an extremely vivid imagination. Everything that happens, every little bitty thing causes my mind to range out and probe the various possibilities and outcomes of an event. Every conversation, every meeting with new people.

It’s distracting at times. And I’m always disappointed by what happens in reality because, in the words of Chuck Palahniuk, “the unreal is more powerful than the real.” And I hate that. So much. I wish, so often, that things could turn out the way I want them to. Sometimes they do. Sometimes things are worse than I imagine. Sometimes even, they happen to turn out better. It’s rare, but it’s always something to remember when that happens.

It’s something I wish would happen more often, but if it did, I wouldn’t be so grateful for it.

 

So now that leads me to my point. I like to dream. I like to imagine. I know that what I imagine can happen sometimes, so I have to believe it will eventually. And it’s impractical and flighty, but I do it, and I’m going to continue to do it. I believe in my future. I believe I can do anything and have what I want. I’d like to believe I deserve to get what I want.

 

I’m tired of being told to settle and get a job just because someone offers it to me. I want to do something impractical.

 

My favorite word used to be “breathless.” But now? Now it’s “possibility.” This probably sounds intensely lame, but I don’t care anymore. Possibility can encompass the entire world. So I think we all have to consider the possibilities, and remember everything is possible.

 

So stop telling me I need to settle for a job. Because I’m not going to.  

 

To my parents: I’m not happy in Texas. And I won’t be until I’m ready to settle down. Maybe not even then. I love you both, but I’m going to be OK. I’m a smart girl. I’m not going to do something stupid. I want to work.

 

To my professors: Stop trying to scare me. You’re supposed to be encouraging.

 

Hi, Michael. 🙂 Can’t wait for your and Lori’s wedding. I’m happy for the both of you.

(Was that a good mention?)

 

On another note, classes started today. This morning, I thought it would be my last first day of school ever, but now I’m not so certain. This semester should be interesting. I can already tell I’m not going to put in a ton of effort. That could be bad. I need motivation.

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