Home > school, Thoughts > “It’s choice, not chance…”

“It’s choice, not chance…”

I have had so much on my mind lately.

 

First, school. Things are finally winding down. I guess, technically, I’m in finals mode now, since I don’t actually have any finals during finals week. However, I had a 15 minute presentation for my English class last Tuesday (which was the final grade), and I have another on Monday for my other English class. On Wednesday, my news presentation group project is due, and I’ll be finished with that class too. Then my reporting project is due on April 28, and I’ll be finished there too. And finally, on Saturday May 2, my research paper for Middle English Lit is due…but we get extra credit for turning it in early, so I’ll probably go that route. Especially because I’ll be moving on 4/30 and I really don’t want to have to worry about turning in a paper. I’m so excited to be so close to being finished with this semester! And then I just have to get through this summer and then the fall. And then I’ll be OUT. Thank goodness. I can’t wait to be done with this town and this school.

Which brings me to my next point: Texas Tech. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed at Texas A&M. I miss it a lot, especially when I think about Brian and Sarah and Soren and Kyle. I spent so much time with Brian, Soren and Kyle my freshman year. My best memories are sitting in Brian and Kyle’s dorm room, watching Boy Meets World with them and Soren and occasionally Ryan. It makes me so sad when I think that I rarely talk to them anymore. So sad. I hope you know how much I miss all of you. And I met Sarah right when I was leaving, but I’m so happy to have met her. I think she is an amazing woman. (And I’m even more excited that she’s marrying Brian, whom I’ve known since 5th grade! If you’re reading this guys, I love you both!) I’m grateful I got to spend so much time with Soren last summer. I want you know, I try not to think about it. Want to know why? Because I wish it wasn’t over. You have no idea how glad I was we were both in Dallas. Remember playing hide and seek with Will and Josh and everyone? It was wonderful to have you all to myself, because I always admired you our freshman year. I always wanted to get to know you better, and I’m so glad I did. And Kyle and Zoe…congrats to both of you! I’m so glad you are getting married this summer, and I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

And Taylor. Oh, Taylor. You were my very first friend I met at Fish Camp. I wish we had stayed in touch, and I wish…well, I just miss you I guess. You’re a great guy.

And then there’s Anna, Randy and Todd. You were the friends I made that had no ties to home, and that was special to me. Unbelievably special. I miss all of you so much, and I think of you ALL the time. I just wish…I wish you knew how much you meant to me, and I wish we could talk again. I hope you know I realize I made a mistake, and I’m always here. I really do mean that.

I think part of me is disappointed in myself. I feel like I got scared and left A&M because I was afraid of what would happen if I stayed there. (For all of you who know me, you know it’s about the guy I was with.) And then, even though I was at Tech, it happened anyway. We broke up, and I’m better for it.

 

So what if I had stayed? I’d still be friends with the dorm crew, and I’d still be an English major. I’d be 7 hours away from home, and I’d go to every single home football game and any other A&M event. I’d still do my hair curly, because it’s impossible to keep it straight in all that humidity. Hopefully I’d still have Anna and Todd.

 

But what would I have missed out on if I had not come to Lubbock? I wouldn’t have met Kasey and Matthew, who have become some of my best friends. I’m sad I don’t get to see you as often. And they wouldn’t have led me to my Thomas. That’s a scary thought. I wouldn’t have a major that would have led me to something I’m passionate about. (Ok, English probably would have eventually led me to editing, but you get my drift.) I wouldn’t have met the wonderful people in my classes. I wouldn’t have interned at Brown Books last summer, which is an experience I would sooner die than give up. Yes, I do not like Tech as a school, but it’s given me so many valuable things that I am grateful to have experiened.

But there’s also people who who I haven’t been able to get to know as well, even though I think we could have been great friends. I feel regretful for that. And sad, because it’s all coming to an end soon. Semester’s over, I’m about to move. Things are changing, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

I would never change coming to Tech. That’s the truth.

I guess there’s a lot of good things I would have missed out on. Isn’t it funny how if you look at it there’s so many different things that could have happened differently? That’s why I think that there’s no one set path for a person. It’s all about choices. Not fate. I don’t think I believe in fate.

 

I feel funny tonight. Very reflective. I miss so many people right now it’s unreal. I feel like a trip to CS needs to happen soon…I’m not sure why.

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Categories: school, Thoughts Tags: , , , ,
  1. Elizabeth
    April 30, 2009 at 12:09 am

    just want u to know, ur an awesome writer. for real ha. and also-im glad u have seen the bright side to ur move to tech. but just know that it wasnt just by chance that you moved there, even if it was for the wrong reason. God’s got ur plan already laid out. he had a purpose in it. so tho you may be glad u did move to tech in the end, dont for one second regret anything about it. God’s got you right where u are for a reason.

    love u,
    elizabeth

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