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I Know How I Feel.

I’m so tired of being told how I feel. Every time I go home it’s a constant battle with my parents in which they confront me about something or other. They wait until my sister discreetly leaves the house and then they find me wherever I may be and say, “Katie, can you come in here for a minute? I just want to ask you one question.” That is the most dreaded statement that comes out of my parent’s mouths.

 Like this past weekend, for example, my dad came into the laundry room where I was messing around on the computer and made me come sit with him in the den. I don’t want to go in to details, but basically, my parents and I have been discussing certain things because they believe one thing about me while I believe another. Somehow, I think I’m right, considering it’s about myself, but they don’t see it that way. I know how I feel…isn’t that enough?

Anytime I defend myself, my parents say that I’m wrong. That I do “this” because….Or I say that because….whatever their reasoning is.

Basically it ended with my dad saying that if it’s my personality, so be it. Wow, great. Thanks a bunch Dad. I don’t know what it is. But do you have any idea how much it SUCKS to be the quiet or broody one in a family of extroverts? It’s not easy. It’s living on the outside, on the fringe of things. I can’t joke the way they do; my humor’s not the same. My dad doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t get that things bother me or that it takes me time to work through how I feel about things. And often when I think I’ve got it, I don’t. I can’t just tell him how I feel immediately (if ever); I have to process. He always says it’s like pulling teeth out trying to get me to tell him how I feel about something or other.

One thing that did work out Sunday is that Dad congratulated me on actually getting through a conversation the way he liked: no emotion from me whatsoever. Woo-freaking-hoo. Did he have any idea how hard I was gritting my teeth to keep from saying something I would regret? Nope. Of course, that’s why I had to leave immediately after this conversation, even though it was 11 in the morning and I had been planning to stay in Midland until late afternoon. Oh well.

I’m sorry to be such a melancholy bore. I know this isn’t any fun for anyone to read, but then, you don’t have to be reading this, so feel free to stop at any minute. I just needed some way to get all of this crap out of my head. I have way too much going on this week to be worrying about this.

On a much, much brighter note, I saw my Papa this weekend. He is such an amazing man. It’s so easy to make him happy. I visited with him for about an hour, and we just had a great time talking and catching up. He’s very predictable, however. Inevitably, his first question is: “How’s the love life?” Sadly, nothing to report, Papa. Once again. Sorry to disappoint you! I really hate that question sometimes. Lately, even with everything going on with the ‘rents, my family has become so important to me–especially my grandparents. I’m trying really hard to keep in touch with them, both sets. My mother’s parents are incredible; they’re 80+ and still traveling the world. Right now they’re taking a cruise on the east coast of the United States. They stop in New York. Lucky. And Papa…well, it doesn’t even do him justice to say how amazing he is. He’s been taking care of my Mimi for the last 6 or 7 years. And that hasn’t been easy, trust me. I don’t know how he does it, because it hurts so much. I think it would be safe to say that just for that, he is my hero and role model. Everyone should be so lucky to have someone with such selflessness and devotion in their life. I hope he knows how much the entire Huff family worries about him. I also hope he knows how much we absolutely adore him. I try to send him a letter every couple of weeks just to let him know how much I miss him.  

That diverted from my original intent. Anyways, this week is going to be so crazy. For News Writing, I have to find and conduct 4 interviews with sources. Ugh. Whenever we have assignments like this, it never ever leaves my mind. Even tonight, when there is absolutely nothing else I can do tonight, I keep going back to my computer and looking at the same things I looked at all afternoon hoping to find something new. I just want it to be next Monday. I’ll be completely finished and looking forward to my road trip to College Station. 🙂

At least this weekend I can just sit down and write. And write. I’m definitely looking forward to it. But anyways, I need to get some sleep. I have a really important interview (I’m being interviewed) tomorrow that I want to nail. Wish me luck.

And if you’re still reading…thanks.

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